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WE ARE A nation of dog lovers, with almost half of Irish households having at least one dog. As a dog owner myself, I’m all for the rise of dog-friendly spaces with responsibly behaved dogs. But why is it that some people would prefer to have a dog in a café, licking their private parts, rather than have a child sitting up in a highchair and simply behaving like a child?
Many cafés in our local area are now dog-friendly, which means they don’t just have dog bowls at the door; now we can pop in for a coffee without leaving our dog outside. It’s a lovely bonus, but lately, I can’t shake the feeling that we’re becoming more welcoming and tolerant of dogs and less so of young children.
While my two children are out of the baby and toddler stage, I can still remember the frustration and disappointment of being made to feel unwelcome when out with a buggy and a toddler. As a parent, you quickly get to know the family-friendly places and those that are not. You naturally learn to avoid those cafes and restaurants with clear adult-only policies or those welcoming children over 12. However, the creeping casual antagonism towards families with young children was sometimes harder to spot until you crossed the threshold and tried to sit down.
Negative attitudes towards prams, especially the double variety, not having enough or any highchairs available, getting filthy looks for feeding your child, or feeling as though you must constantly shush your children for just behaving like children and not misbehaving is a common experience and remains so for many parents out with their young families.
Coffee shops, of course, are entitled to set their own policies. Some places go out of their way to welcome coffee lovers and their dogs only. As a parent, I must admit sometimes it’s nice to get away for a coffee by myself or maybe my kids don’t want to sit in a café while I have one (although mine are a pair of babycino connoisseurs and would never pass up the chance for ‘coffee’ and cake.)
Still, as much as I enjoy a coffee solo, the potential for the presence of children in a café is not such an affront to my ears or eyes that I’d need them banished from the premises in order to enjoy my caffeine hit. Also, I’m not sure I’d be happy to shell out as much as €15, (as is reportedly charged by some speciality coffee shops) on my adult-only, kid-free coffee and still potentially have to watch a dog lick their genitals for ten minutes or bark.
Both of these are typical dog behaviours, yet when young children behave like young children, the tut-tuts and judgment seem to be much less forgiving.
Coffee shops, restaurants, or other public spaces branding themselves adult and dog only is not a bad thing in itself, it’s the knock-on effect of casual disdain for families and having children out in society that’s the issue. People being so triggered by the sight and sound of children that they need them banished from their view.
Many will argue that parents don’t supervise their children properly when out and about, and might be under the impression that dog owners are much more responsible. If you’ve ever walked on an Irish path, park, or beach or caught a glimpse of the greater spotted poo bag tree, I’d beg to differ on that one.
It’s not just cafés, of course, our parks and beaches offer ample opportunities to involve our furry friends in our daily lives. Again, I love bringing both my kids and our dog out to the beach, but the amount of casual dog poo just left on the shoreline is disgusting. Many times, the owners have their dogs off the leads and feign ignorance. Plus, the number of times those same dogs come barrelling up to my five-year-old, nearly knocking him over, or jump up on him is off the scale. It’s almost always followed by “Oh don’t worry, he’s harmless.” I must try that trick when a grown adult gets overly annoyed when my five-year-old walks into them by mistake.
There’s no denying that many of us see our dogs as part of the family; it’s very much the case in our house. Dogs can combat loneliness and depression, and for some, they even become surrogate children. Sometimes when I’m walking my dog, I feel as though I’m simply a glorified bouncer walking with a celebrity, and it’s one of the best conversation starters, which can be vital for many people’s social interactions.
Many of us love dogs and refer to them as our ‘fur-babies’ (again, guilty as charged). Studies show that as a species, we have a propensity to adopt and nurture other species like dogs, and mothers can show similar responses in regions involved in reward, emotion, and affiliation when looking at images of their child and pet dog. We like to infantilise dogs, and I’ve done it myself.
I can remember peering into a lady’s pram recently and getting the fright of my life to see a Bichon Frise looking back at me. Dog slings and dog bags are everywhere.
But here’s the thing we must keep in mind. Dogs are a completely different species; they aren’t human children. They don’t need things like a double bed or their own clothes. Coats on a rainy walk or snowy day are welcome, but having a full wardrobe of matching doggy and owner outfits is not crucial to a dog’s ability to thrive. They don’t really need to be carried in a dog sling either, unless it’s for a health condition or is age-related.
I welcome the responsible inclusion of dogs in our spaces, but not at the expense of kids and families. And when a Chihuahua in a pram is welcomed more readily into a café than an actual human baby, especially at a time when the birth rate is declining, it feels like we’re boarding into strange territory.
Niamh O’Reilly is a freelance writer and wrangler of two small boys, who is winging her way through motherhood, her forties and her eyeliner.
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